|Posted by carpechakram on August 27, 2009 at 6:51 PM||comments (0)|
I'm a Pepper, he's a Pepper,
She's a Pepper, we're a Pepper,
Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper, too?
Be a Pepper~ Drink Dr Pepper ?
A few hours later Gabrielle stood in front of D'Anna's tent, trying to figure out how to knock on canvas. Remembering her mother's teachings about meeting and greeting ,
she used the time tested method.
" Hello? Anybody home ?"
The tent flap flew open and there stood the Mistress in all her majesty, one hand
holding the flap, and the other firmly on her hip, looking every bit the
Mistress of her realm. To say the woman was striking was a gross understatement.
She wore a pale blue silk shirt with full sleeves, and skin tight black leather pants, tucked
into soft black suede boots.
Woo Hoo. She's easy on the eyes...in a scary sort of way.
Gabrielle had absolutely no idea where that thought came from.
"Come in Gabrielle. Welcome to my little bit of 21st century Earth.", purred D'Anna.
All the young woman could bring to mind was "come into my parlor, said the "spida" to
The first thing the small blond noticed was a hum of a generator, and then the
strange wavering light that flickered off the partition separating the tent into two
parts. As her eyes adjusted to the light, she saw what she assumed was the Mistress's
office. As offices go, it was quite nice, consisting of a large desk, two chairs,
computer, printer, and a satellite feed for the internet.
"I'll have another desk brought in here for you Gabrielle, since we'll be working
together, but enough about work. Come, let's relax, eat supper, and get to know
D'Anna strode to the partition, and drew it aside, motioning with her hand for
Gabrielle to follow?and follow she did.
The young woman was quite sure she had never actually seen a lava lamp, but here in
front of her were four functioning ones, which were what were producing the
unusual light patterns on the tent walls. Her jaw began to drop as she studied
the rest of D'Anna's living quarters.
The entire back wall of the tent was filled was filled with one of the biggest home entertainment
centers she had ever seen. There was a 52 inch HD TV, Bose speakers, DVD player and
writer, CD player, and a Play Station 3. Stacked neatly next to the center were hundreds
of CDs, DVDs, and games.
Gabrielle walked over to the stacks and studied the titles of the DVDs. All of the Rambos,
Dirty Harrys, and Steven Segals were neatly stacked on top. These were followed by
WWF - season 1-10, MMA Cage Matches- Uncensored, all of the Star Treks, Hercules-
The Complete Set, Xena Warrior Princess- Season 1-6, and all of the X-Files.
"Feel free to watch any of these Earth Classics at your leisure, Gabrielle," The tall woman said. "I picked them all out myself... Somehow Gabrielle knew that... But, I'm sure you've probably seen most of them."
How to answer. How to answer. I don't want to hurt her feelings. Gabrilelle thought.
"We didn't have much time for watching vids on board ship, but if we did I'm sure
these would have been some of my favorites. If I have any spare time?.only two weeks
more of electricy, she thought?I'd love to see some of them."
Gabrielle's fingers were crossed.
She now walked over to the massive book shelf and perused the titles. Accidental Love,
Gun Shy, The Claiming of Ford, and a lot of books about "finding something in
in San Francisco."What could be lost that it takes that many books to find ? she thought
Never heard of any of these authors. She might only be interested in one subject. I should
find out so we can discuss some of them?never hurts to brown nose a little.
D'Anna headed over to a stack of file boxes in the corner. "There's more to read in here,"
she said. "It's called Fan Fiction, and I got it over the internet. I didn't realize that that
many people wrote about Ancient Greece, but the stories were actually quite "stimulating".
Was that a smirk on the Mistress's face?
Just then a faint "ding" was heard, and D"Anna strode over to a large microwave.
This just gets better and better, Gabrielle thought.
"You know some people say you can't make pizza in a microwave, but I think it cooks
up just fine.The consistancy's a little different, but it tastes swell. ( Did she say "swell?") Let me put it on the
table over here, and we can chow down. (D'Anna had been brushing up on her everyday
Earth English. What would you like to drink Gabrielle? I have chilled Dr. Pepper,and
"I'll have a Dr. Pepper, Mistress, it's one of my favorites."
Gabrielle's fingers and toes were now crossed.
At the completion of supper (HoHos for dessert), the two woman made themselves
comfortable in the two Lazy Boy reclinners, the tall woman was quite proud of.
"Ahhhh, the creature comforts..can't live without 'em", D'Anna again purred.
"You're right about that", Mistress, the young woman replied, as she pushed out the
foot rest on the chair, and stretched out her five foot-four inch frame. (She now had her
fingers, toes, and ankles crossed)
"Most of the time I just sleep right here in one of these chairs..haven't used the cot in
weeks. So, Gabrielle, tell me about yourself. DeBard isn't a Greek name is it?"
"No Mistress, Debard is French, but my mother's brother married a Greek gentleman.
"So that's how you came to know so much about ancient Greek culture."
"I've pretty much taught myself?books and CDs?but I've always been interested in
Ancient Earth civilizations.
Ya, I've tried to teach myself Greek for the last two weeks, ever since I was told to take this job by the Consortium, she guiltily thought.
"Well, Gabrielle, I'm sure you're much more proficient than I am."
Don't count on it Mistress, she thought.
"Were you born in space Gabrielle?"
YES!!!!!!!, A change of subject!!!!
"Yes, Mistress, I was born and raised on one of the fleets agricultural ships. Our ship was
filled with all kinds of plants, insects, and small animals. Mom and Dad were both
horticulturalists. Their job was to keep everything alive so that when.. and if we reached
Earth, and things weren't not what we expected, we could grow crops to survive.
"So are your parents are on a farm somewhere on Earth now."
D'Anna had to lean forward in her chair to hear Gabrielle's answer to her question.
"No Mistress, they were killed four years ago in a skirmish. I was on another ship visiting
friends when it happened."
D'Anna dropped her head and remained silent. Finally she spoke. "You must hate me and
my people very much." She now stared right at Gabrielle .
" Neither you, nor your people were the cause of my parent's death. The war killed them.
both Cylons and Humans died in that war?It was a terrible waste of lives. No one side
ever really wins a war."
She's a most unusual Human, the tall woman thought, Most of them would like to turn
us back into toasters?and that's the nice ones.
Time for another change of subject, Gabrielle thought.
"What about your family Mistress?"
As soon as the words left her mouth, Gabrielle realized what she had said, but it seemed ,
that D'Anna didn't miss a beat with her answer. " My familie's a lot smaller than it used to be.
There's only me now, and there won't be any more Number Sixes either. I guess we're both
Gabrielle could barely hear the woman's answer, and her own lips were quivering when
she softly replied, "Mistress, please forgive me. I wasn't thinking."
" Gabrielle ", Please look at me. "Both of our families were killed because of the war and our
peoples distrust for each other. Each of us thought we were doing the right thing. We each
were looking for individual solutions, without considering the greater good. We can't forget
the ones we have lost, but we can try to understand why it happened, and never let it
Silence filled the tent.
D'Anna took the initative to try and repair the wounds the previous conversation had
"What do you see as your main duties as Consortium Liason, Gabrielle? Not bad
D'Anna. Not bad, the thought.
" I think my main job here will be to help you and your staff ease into the culture of
ancient Greece. I can help everyone with foods, customs, language, making clothing,
farming and caring for livestock, plants and natural herbs for medicines. After all
in two weeks we'll be basically on our own, and from the looking at the list they gave me
they're pretty much taking everything back with them. They even have a list to compare what we
got at the beginning, and what we turn in. They are nothing, if not efficient."
Through clenched teeth, D'Anna replied, "You'll be quite busy then."
"Yes", Mistress, I think I will." (Now what will we talk about?..one thousand one, one thousand two)
"Well, Gabrielle, you must be tired after you long "walk", so I'll let you turn in?Breakfast
is at seven sharp. You have your watch, so I'll see you then. There's an alarm button at
Stifling a yawn, Gabrielle once again thanked her hostess, and made her way back to her
The older womans eyes never left the form of her departing guest.
She's a very interesting Human, she thought.
to be continued...
|Posted by carpechakram on August 13, 2009 at 9:11 AM||comments (0)|
A gentle breeze ,the cool shadow of the sun sinking as Apollo completed his daily journey across the sky and the feeling of warm lips nibbling on her neck led Gabrielle out of Morpheus's realm... soft warm lips?soft warm large lips?with teeth?really big teeth.
Instantly awake, she zeroed in on one thought. I'm going to be something?s dinner.
She quickly sat up, fell off the bench, and found herself looking into the most
beautiful eyes she had ever seen?big, soft, brown eyes (had ya goin there didn't I)
It's a horse! Just like the ones in the vids and books she'd devoured on board ship.
A big beautiful golden horse. She got to her feet, and reached out to touch the
the animal's nose? so soft, she thought, you're a beautiful boy?...girl? She knelt
for a quick peek. Ah?a beautiful girl. She almost thought she saw the horse nod and
smile at her.
A clearing of the throat brought Gabrielle back to reality?the reality of Mistress
D'Anna standing over her
"Ms DeBard, I presume."
"Um, yes Mam?ah Mistress D'Anna?Mistress D'Anna mMam?ah your Majesty.", the young woman sputtered.
young woman sputtered.
"Is your Ancient Greek any more fluent than your Earth English?", the tall woman asked.
"Yes mam, Mistress D'Anna, Mistress D'Anna Mam, your Majesty?it is."
"Mistress D'Anna will be fine Ms DeBard."
Well, here goes nothing, Gabrielle thought. "Gabrielle will be fine with me, Mistress."
D'Anna continued to just stare at the girl, before giving her a curt nod, and a raised eye brow.
Mistress, "Is this your horse?"
"No Ms DeBa?.Gabrielle. It just showed up here this morning."
"Oh", said the young woman. "Do you think we can take care of her until her owner shows up?"
"YOU", may take care of her Gabrielle.
"Thank you" she replied.
"Gabrielle." "Yes Mistress." "Join me for supper around six."
"I'd love to Mistress. What time is it now? I've been practicing using the sun
to tell time. It's not too bad, except when it's cloudy."
Unbuckling her watch, D'Anna gave it to Gabrielle. "Here take mine."
"I've got a couple of more, and you've got two weeks to practice with the sun."
Gabrielle looked at the watch as the white gloved hand moved steadily around
the mouse ears, and could think of nothing to say.
Slowly her brain clicked into gear. "Thank you, Mistress.
This is a very lovely watch. I'll see you six then?"
"Yes, Gabrielle, six it is. Oh and take that tent over there. There's a cot and some other
furniture to make you fairly comfortable."
Still staring at the Mickey Mouse watch, Gabrielle picked up her kit and headed for her new home.
To Be Continued..
|Posted by carpechakram on August 10, 2009 at 6:19 PM||comments (0)|
do we sell only the GABS A-MATIC FOLDING WALKING AND FIGHTING STAFF
Because they are the only staffs we use ourselves!
As avid walkers and sidekicks we were interested in the many walking and fighting staffs on the market, but none seemed to suit our needs.
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When hiking a mountain trail, bashing the bad guys
or exploring a country lane
For stability, traction, and leverage
Easy to pack away, quick to open
Heavy-duty folding hiking staff . (Gabrielle not included in purchase)
We wanted sturdy, rugged, and dependable staffs. A walking staff that could sustain our weight and keep us safe on slippery or dangerous terrain, and a walking staff that would add stability, balance, and leverage during strenuous fights. We also wanted staffs that could be tucked away when the trail turned gentle and easy. Who needs to lug around walking staffs when they aren't needed. And it will fit into a scroll pouch !!. In other words we needed a sneaky weapon.
We pondered the many options on the market. Did we want walking staffs with telescoping lengths? We wondered if we would really want to keep making adjustments as we walked along. Weight? The lighter the better. Tip? Better in fights? Hiking all over the known world. We needed hiking staffs that can bite into rock and icy patches, and serve as protection. And then there was portability; we really wanted something that would fold and tuck easily into our packs for those easy sections of our hike, or fit effortlessly onto our pardners saddle bags when we travel.
And then we found the GAB-A-MATIC FOLDING WALKING AND FIGHTING STAFF
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Disclaimer: No deaths resulted from the use of this staff. Some brain damage, and a lot of bad guys walked funny for a couple of days.
|Posted by carpechakram on July 6, 2009 at 8:12 PM||comments (0)|
You Can Go Home Again - Part 1
Posted by carpechakram at 04:43 PM on June 04, 2009 delete edit comments (1)
You Can Go Home Again by Carpe Chakram Part 1
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Xena, Gabrielle, DAnna or any of the other folks from Xena Warrior Princess or Battle Star Galactica. Actually they were just made up in my small pea brain....right...and Joxer really is mighty!!This first installment is pretty tame but if ya like this, I just might spice up the next one
It had been six months since the Human-Cylon combined forces had reached Earth and an uneasy alliance had come into existence. Now that Humans and Cylons had finally realized their dream of coming back to Earth, neither party was quite sure what to do with it.
Each of the two races had come to dream of Earth in different ways. Some wanted to live in cities or small towns, others turned to farming and raising livestock, becoming one with the land they prayed they would one day call theirs. Others wanted to use Earth as a jumping off place, heading back into space for more adventures, but the most controversial of groups were those who wished to form ancient colonies, and live like ancient Earth civilizations. People laughed behind their backs, and sometimes to their faces, but nothing could deter this group. They had strong backs, romantic dreams, and vivid imaginations.
Each of these colonies would be governed jointly by a Human and a Cylon leader.
"Seems like I've been here before, can't remember when. I get this funny feeling, we'll be together once again. No straight lines make up my life, all my roads have bends...No clear cut beginnings.. so far, no dead ends...Tom Chapin."
Frak! Frack! Frak! Why did I do something this stupid ? (Sorry mom and dad.) Couldn't leave well enough alone, could I? Nice 21st century life, three squares a day, transcribing memos at Consortium Headquarters, and I had to go Frak it up. (Sorry again mom and dad.)
The small blond woman paced back and forth at the end of the well paved road...before her nothing but a wide dirt path. She stopped and straddled the road and path,one foot in the 21st century, and the other foot (Frak again!) in the Ancient Greek Colony. Pwaise Hestia!!! What have I gotten myself into ?
Two weeks earlier
Frak! Frak! Frak! (Gods, I love that word.) Why did I do something this stupid? Nice 21st century life, three squares a day, problem solving for the Cylon-Human Consortium, and I had to go and frak it up (Gods, I really do love that word.) I mean, that guy was trying to pick that old Human's pocket. All I did was grab him by the neck. Heck it was more of a pinch than a grab and then he couldn't breathe, and his nose was bleeding, and 30 seconds later he was toast!
And now after three months of anger management counseling, , I'm being sent to co-govern one of those ancient colonies. TPTB told me it would help me discover my inner self (sounds like something a Human would think up.)
What do I know about ancient Greece? What have I gotten myself into?
Present day - Ancient Greek Colony
"What do you mean there's no Human available to help me run this God's forsaken colony? It's their history we're trying to relive. Have they no reguard for their past?"
The nervous Envoy from the Consortium fumbled with his notes and shakily replied,"
"I'm sorry Mistress D'Anna, but there are no candidates available. All seem to be
indispossed...very good reasons, mind you, but they are all unavailable. I'm really very sorry, but we seem to be out of luck."
Raising one eye brow she stood up from her desk. D'Anna now towered over the visably shaking Envoy. "You wouldn't happen to know why the candidates were indisposed, would you?"
"No Mistress, I'm not privy to that information. That's in the hands of TPTB, but on a brighter note, we did find you a Temporary Liason... comes from a Greek family, I believe."
Eyebrow still raised, D'Anna took a step back, and sat down.
"What is his name and when will he be coming?", she growled.
The Envoy squirmed a bit in his chair, put on his best false smile, and replied, "He is a she, and she will be here as soon as she walks from
the 21st Century Border..getting the lay of the land she said..the pulse of the people,the feeling of walking back into history.This was her idea, Mistress. We couldn't change her mind. Right stubborn little thing she was."
"Walking! Did you say walking? It's 75 miles from the border, and it's at least 90 degrees out there. If she gets here by fall, we'll be lucky.
The maps are terrible, and the villages are few, and far between."
"Well Mistress D"Anna, she really did insist, and in two weeks we'll all be doing the walking thing. If I might remind you that that's what we'll all be doing when the colony officially becomes Ancient Greece. No electricity,
no phones, computers, air conditioning, cars, modern appliances...just
like the good old days. I bet you can hardly wait." Gotcha, he thought.
Had he not valued his life, he would have loved to have had a camera to take a picture of the tall woman's face. Looks like they didn't tell that
"toaster" every little detail of ancient colonial living.
Staring off into space, D'Anna replied, "That will be all Envoy. You may go."
Minutes later a loud crash was heard coming from the headquarters tent. A dustpan and broom was soon on it's way.
To Be Continued.....
|Posted by carpechakram on June 5, 2009 at 9:41 PM||comments (0)|
You Can Go Home Again Part 2
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I I took the one less traveled by." Robert Frost
Dirt, dust, and sun. Sun, dust, and dirt. Dust, sun, and dirt. Anyway she looked at it she was just miserable. Three days of walking from the 21st century border had been the pits. I'm not sure this was such great
idea after all, she mused. A light breeze blew against her tanned face, and her body was a shade darker because of a thin film of dust coating it.She was about ready for a break, when she heard it..water.. running water. She left the dusty path to investigate, and "Pwaise Hestia!"
She looked at her reflection in the water, and a small blond woman with hiking boots, backpack, walking stick, and a baseball cap with "I Break For Cylons" on it looked back at her.
Well I look like something the cat dragged home..a desperate cat..with poor hunting skills.
She knelt down, cupped the clear water in her hands, and brought it to her lips. As she drank, she silently thanked the Gods for this gift. After a few
more drinks, she took off her pack, and sat down to rest at the side of the pond
Closing her eyes,she let images of the last three days of her journey flash through her mind. She remembered small villages with strange names
like Cirra, Amphipolis,and...Potedeia.. Actually that Potedeia was kind of a nice town..nice people..especially that stud muffin..Perdilus? Perdius?
whatever. That guy was trying to hit on me! The nerve of some people. Though he was kind of cute. If she heard one more person say, "Yes mam,
just over the next hill." ,or you can't miss it, just a few more miles." She was
going to go midevil. Opps, wrong colony.Gotta watch that !
After resting a few more candle marks she continued her journey.
After walking a good many more miles when she was pleasantly surprised to see a crude sign along the the side of the road, written in Earth English.
"One mile to Future Sight of Ancient Greek Colonial Capital" it read, while underneath someone had scrawled.. "Read Now.. 'cause in 2 weeks it'll be Greek to you." Well, she thought, a little hellenic humor,
and even I might even be able to read it in two weeks or at least bluff my
way through the important parts. She was pleasantly surprised that upon reaching the next hill to see her destination was in site.
The future colonial capital consisted of three tents, a crude stable, a corral, and a partially completed dwelling of some sort, all made
of crude bricks, poles, and straw. Heading for the largest tent, she could make out a guard dressed in a Consortium uniform standing outside.
As she got closer she noticed the man had that "state your business,
and I might let you pass" look on his face. The young woman stood up as tall as she could, and looked the guard in the eye. "I'm Gabrielle DeBard, the Consortium Liason. I believe I'm expected."
Looking her over, the guard replied, "Just have a seat 'Mam, and I'll tell Mistress D'Anna that you're here."
Gabrielle nodded a thank you, took off her pack, laid down her walking stick, and sat down on a bench at the side of the entrance.
"Show her in man. It's hot out there", barked the Mistress. The guard left to retrieve the Liason, but returned in a matter of seconds. "Excuse me 'Mam", he said, "There seems to be a small problem...The Liason..she..ah..er..you might want'a have a look yourself, 'Mam.
D'Anna unfolder her tall frame from her chair, stalked past the guard, and threw open the tent flap. "See what I mean 'Mam", the guard said,
"This isn't exactlly how I left her."
There curled up on the wooden bench,fast asleep was one dusty,sweaty, Liason. The first thing to enter D'Anna's mind was, She's just a kid.
What am I going to do with a kid? This day just keeps getting better and better.
"Guard" "Yes 'Mam." "Just let her sleep."
To Be Continued...